Of all the truths that stand to be contested, one which remains unmoved, unchanged and untouched is that solid fact that females are indeed complex. Yes, not because I’m a
guy girl but because I also belong to the female-folk. The complexities of girls, who will of course grow into women, have been proven psychologically and socially– we balance things up! It’s almost like a girl carries her own problem, wraps it up with another girl’s problem, and then some more other’s, some more still if possible, and it becomes her own big problem! You don’t understand it? Maybe we never will too, and just maybe that’s why we’re so damn complex!
Let’s have a read through some of us girls reported complex nature. Most often, we are said to never know what we want. We can be euphoric and tragic at the same time, we can sanction and oppose the same thing, our mood switches in the most unthinkable manner, we happen to be over-analytical spectators in everything, we approbate and reprobate (because we can!) we choose to decide when the wheel starts spinning and when it stops, while you’re trying to figure out what we said, we are also trying to figure out what we meant! – And oh, before you lay a claim against us, we stumble on a good defence and like hell, we can back it up. We have a hard time making a decision, even ones as simple as what to wear. And the list goes on and on….
Yet, when you weigh out the excesses and complexities of females, you realise that there’s still an undeniable fact about us, we are sweet! The question is how often do we share this sweetness with the other members of the female-folk?
Hello and welcome to the female-folk community! It’s one big spin-ball of the female gender. In here, no bull-shit is tolerated; “if e no concern you, waka pass!” If you’re ready for the ride, chin-up! What you see is what you get….
Since you have been warned, well let’s proceed. Or wait! Before you decide to visit the community, I’ll just tell you all there is to know about it and take my leave, you know, to avoid stories that touch….
1) “We are not the same. Never!”
What you’d come to realise about the female-folk is that they never would see themselves as alike. (Well of course, only if you belong to their self-made entourage or clique then you win the award of the “bestie”, “boo”, “tweenie” etc.) Otherwise, they are not the same. Never were, never will be! So never make that mistake of thinking all girls are the same because they do not regard themselves as the same. You know, even if Laura is tall and I’m short, I’m prettier than her anyways. Please don’t compare!
2) “We are not what you think we are! – We could be worse”
Truer than true; pay attention to the things left unsaid, that’s where the danger signals are! The female-folk community is not a park where every girl can come out to chill, laugh and sip on some drink. It’s a place where you could be sold for some meagre amount with the power of the eyes and some gossipy language that everyone but you understand. Well, if you’re in here, you can’t escape now. – choose your “friends” wisely!
3) The inferiority-complex-syndrome
This is about the worst and most dreadful trait of the female-folk. Inferiority complex has from time continued to cause more disaster among girls. It’s that dismal and ugly disease that eats up a girl slowly and everyone (but her) sees her die off slowly from this dreadful disease. Girls want everything they spot on the next girl up to the air she breathes! But it fearfully remains under the canopy of the complex. The struggle to meet up to societal standards has kept girls today on that constant struggle to measure up, hence, the harder the struggle, the harder it is to attain such standards. Worse still, what some girls struggle to get is what some others get on the spot without moving an inch, so you see, this is why it is harder for a girl (on the struggle to measure up) to love her fellow girl because she is bitter and cannot love herself for not being like these other girls and so she must create an image that isn’t and live in falsity, because she is slowly dying– but first, she must measure up, regardless. Well, let’s move on!
4) “She looks so beautiful– but she must never know this!”
This is (and every other trait of the female-folk I will be discussing) a product of the inferiority complex syndrome or just major, irrational hate. Whatever the case, most girls would rather jump off a cliff than complement their fellow girl. Whether it’s the good looks, or the hair, or the nice outfit a girl is putting on, or simply something genuinely beautiful about her, it remains a case of “I can see it – but she must never know this!” So imagine this typical scenario where a girl gets the entire compliment from the hair to the pair of shoes and one member of the girl-folk category who remains quiet the whole time passes out a repulsive look while of course rolling her eyes 360°. For the members of the girl folk who are guilty of this: A beautiful woman knows she’s beautiful and cannot be hyped by a complement affirming this or thrown off by an attitude disproving this. Since beauty is skin deep, only “beautiful” women can see, appreciate and compliment such beauty in other women. It doesn’t hurt!
5)“Talk to me first or die!”
Here comes the funniest! So the female-folk is also blessed/cursed with some queer kind of pride. It’s the type that makes them embark on a lonesome parade of “show-off” in a bid to get noticed by the other member/members of the community. It becomes a self-made battle of who-talks-to-who first of which when the results are not as positive as what was already made up in the head, it often ends up in resentment, popularly known as “beef”. Time spent priding yourself against saying a simple and harmless hello/hi to the other member of the female-folk (unless you get one first) is time wasted which you could have gained friendship of great value. There’s just so much to gain from a fellow sister than dwelling on the futile quest of getting approached first. Step forward and break that ice of pride!
6) “If everyone likes her, well I’m different. She’s not all that!”
It’s more like– “I want to be her friend but I must show her that I hate her”. This is where the female-folk only prides in reducing another member of the folk to nothing, making them look like a joke especially in public or among their peers just to bolster their bruised ego which of course is having a hard time dealing with the truth of a sister being better off than them. Yet, somewhere deep down, there’s some bottomless feeling of admiration towards the sister that has been kept under chain and locks. However, a sign of greatness is in identifying with the great! Turning off the light of others will not make yours shine any brighter. Likewise, bringing others down is a huge sign of insecurity and a pitiable attempt at empowering oneself.
7) The competitive disaster
Because no girl likes to admit that another girl is better than them, this becomes a problem. Since the competition is all about the “win-win”, it never gets better than ugly! The insecurity creeps in and the frail member of the folk begins to feel the need to dance to their idea of society’s tune of a so-called “beauty and brains” that comes with a Michael Kors label rather than building a healthy intellectual competition that can yield some positivity. That unhealthy kind of competition gets rotten by the day and the frail ones go all out in building a false image of themselves, and letting out false self-confidence just to become accepted in the eye of their (false) “right-thinking-public”. However, on the inner, it’s a different story entirely. She’s in dire search of her very self! –Such conviction against oneself to accept the belief that one’s sense of worth is at the mercy of one’s physical looks!
8) I choose to hate! (Because I have one spare hate to give)
Girls hating girls; women hating women is one vicious trend today that continues to see the light of day. It so happens to be a “female-kind of-thing”! The thing about the hating trend among the members of the female-folk is that most often it’s either for lame reasons, a product of pure envy or more interestingly– for no reason at all! It’s just perhaps, an act of sharing the
love hate out of an abundance of the heart. The only way out of this generous disaster is that when one spare hate has been passed onto you who’s also a member of the female-folk, receive it cheerfully because it could have been someone else but it was you. Don’t forget– If nobody hates you, you’re getting it all wrong! Only be kind enough not to pass on the hate to another member of the female-folk, pass on some love instead!
9) First they laugh; then they copy
Well you heard it before– “Haters are confused admirers who can’t understand why everyone likes you” Those who have all the negatives to say at all times are most often those who are constantly searching for a way to fit into your style, and most often, they do! But first they must laugh and make you look like a fool because it fans off their bitter curiosity. However, just as Steve martins gave– “be so good that they just can’t ignore!” Because you know they’d copy after all, keep setting the trend for them to follow.
10) We all love the green man!
Whatever this is, the female-folk community are so sprung on the green man, you know, we just can never be content with our own– From our bodies, to our talent, abilities, and possession, name it! Ours is just never enough! And since everybody and everything so happens to be “taken”, most of the time, it ends up in either physical war or a lifetime malice! This is especially seen in relationships. Well jealousy, they say is a part of the
human woman nature, but truth remains- it continues to destroy the sisterhood among the female-folk and so it must be controlled. To fight the green man is to replace insecurity with empowerment. When you spot the obvious good in a sister, you should be able to admit it (and if need be, give some compliment without ill fears), deal with the truth then go back and focus on yourself, your life! That’s what self-confidence is about.
Just maybe when we all know ourselves, we will learn to love ourselves….
QOTW: “At this point, none of us are sure why we fight. We’re sisters. We need no good reason to fight, even though we have plenty of them.” ― Ken Wheaton
Written By: ‘Nonye J. Chidolue (@NonyeWrites)