RELATIONSHIPS: Is He A Heartbreaker Or He’s Just Not Into You?

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You know, the word “heartbreaker” has been overly used on the men to the point where you could almost envision the heartbreaker in question with a dagger. Yet, in most cases, the reverse is the case. Women happen to be their own heartbreakers. One of the necessary qualities, in my opinion, every woman should possess is the ability to know when and how to draw the line between a casual friendship and a relationship. We spend an unreasonable amount of time trying to gauge the possibilities of keeping a man or not. Hence, we get our feelings in the way of being trampled on due to our inability to recognise the obvious. The funny thing here is that most of the time, it so happens that we can see the obvious but we choose not to act because we hope that the guy would somehow learn to love us back, stick with us and then we’ll win! Hell no.

What’s the obvious anyway? – Knowing that I love this guy and he may or may not love me as much as I love him, yet he doesn’t exactly tell me so for thoughtless reasons of not wanting to hurt my feelings, but the signs are there, reminding me constantly that this is going nowhere. Hence, I resolve to comply with the signs for the sake of my own sanity.

Yes! Because heartbreaks are not easy to deal with but truth is that if we fail to pay attention to the signs, we will only end up dating all the wrong guys and breaking our own hearts. Staying in a half-baked relationship out of pity or loneliness is a really bad reason to be in one as a woman. If you even have to figure out a guy over and over again to know if they’re into you or not, it’s a sure sign that they’re not. If you’re having a hard time knowing if you own that special place in his heart, watch out for these signs! If you spot any of them to be true –He’s just not that into you!

1) He does not take you seriously.

Watch him closely– Is he paying you attention? All guys have that impulse of wanting to take care of theirs, but it only happens when they feel something for you. When a guy really loves you; flaws and all, he puts you before himself. All he thinks of daily is how to please you and constantly work towards making you happy- which includes paying attention to your needs, keeping to plans instead of making excuses, keeping specific dates about you as very important, reminding you of your own plans, encouraging and supporting you at all times, and the list goes on. When he shows this much concern towards you, it can only mean one thing, he’s really into you.

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2) Watch how he introduces you.

There are two ways to this, the second of which is even more hazardous. Firstly, his countenance is inert, pretentious or indifferent when he introduces you. Secondly, he doesn’t even bother with the introduction! For all you know, you might just be in a “self-made” fairy-tale of a relationship and you need to get out of it.

3) Watch how he relates with you in public/among his friends.

If he feels uncomfortable having you around with him in public or showing you off to his friends, then he’s not that into you! A guy who has feelings for you will by all means possible to show you off in public! On the other hand, one who’s not that into you will act in the most casual way with you in public that’s a lot different from when you’re both together alone. This also extends to the tone of voice he uses to talk to you in public. When a guy is in love with you, there’s dependably in any event, that particular and unique way he talks to you, that he doesn’t do with any other girl. This is proof of his feelings for you.

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4) Can you confide in him? (Can he confide in you?).

Every relationship should be based on trust. The reason we open up to our partners, especially about the way we feel about them is because we trust that they won’t break our hearts. And if you trust him that much to confide in him or open up about your feelings for him because you feel safe with him, that’s good! – But does he do the same? If you’re the only one who does the confiding and opening up and he on the other hand has a hard time doing the same, or appears to conceal every one of his emotions from you, that is a typical sign he’s not that into you. You just might be in that friend zone!

5) He constantly flirts with you– but with other girls too!

While flirting is said to be good between two partners in a relationship as it helps to strengthen the bond between them, yet, what every woman wants is not just the flirting but some good loving and a 100% attention. When all a guy craves is to flirt with you, then he’s just not that into you. The flirting behaviour is most often a sign to watch out for especially when done excessively and with other girls. Pay attention to how he addresses and relates with them. He flatters every other girl just as much and with the same terms he uses for you, nothing special!

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6) Who’s making the most effort?

Now if you find yourself continuously making excuses for a guy just to cover up his lapses with the hope that he’ll change, or you keep working so hard to keep the relationship down even when deep down, that little voice inside of you tells you how much of your time you’re wasting on this guy, then you must pay attention to that voice and just move on. Truth is you can’t change a grown man- they motivate themselves towards change. Though you may succeed at changing their behaviour towards you, it’s however a gradual process but you must sure as hell represent a driving force in their life to do this. Read No. 1

7) He avoids the intimate talks at all cost.

Watch how he reacts when you bring up intimate talks with him. When a guy is not that into you, it’s so simple; he doesn’t like to be in that tight corner where he has to have that heart to heart conversation with you, making endless promises and what-not. This is because he’s not interested in you and he’ll avoid anything that involves getting committed to you. He either just wants to have fun or there’s someone else. Also, pay attention to what his eyes say. They say the eyes tell no lies. Hence, it’s easy to know if a guy loves you from the way he looks at you. Watch the eye contact!

8) Have you even met his family?

This is about the most important part for guys. The part they introduce the one they truly love to their family. For some guys, this doesn’t come any sooner for fear that they just haven’t fully discovered the girl yet but when they do, they are more than excited to show her off to their folks. But is he even interested in doing that with you? If you’ve been with this guy long enough and he doesn’t see it as necessary to take you home or keeps making excuses, and even if he takes you home, he doesn’t feel comfortable having you around for long, then he just may not be into you! When a guy truly loves you, he acknowledges you to family and friends. If his behaviour tells you that he’s hiding you, you just might be in a secret relationship and you need to get out. Read No. 2

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9) He does not and will not spend on you.

When a guy is not into you, he’ll spend practically zero cash on you. Even if he does or ever did, you couldn’t count the times to your 10th finger. He’d most often make empty promises which he doesn’t hope to keep or reluctantly give in after much instigations, arguments and complaints. On the other hand, when a guy loves you , it bolsters his ego getting you stuff you love and taking you out. A guy works hard–to take care of his own, to feed his own, to make his own happy but if you’re getting none of this treatment then you just might not be his own!

10) He disrespects you.

One who loves you will never disrespect you, at least not intentionally! A guy that is not into you and sees that you’re still leeching on him will most likely end up disrespecting you– and it will feel like nothing to him! Yes, he wouldn’t be the devil by then, you’d have yourself to blame. Before it gets to this point, set your limits by knowing what not to accept from him. If he has started to manipulate you to satisfy himself especially his sexual urge, does not include you in his life, demeans your self-esteem by the way he talks to you, raises his temper rapidly at you, it’s the right time to walk out before the temper gets to the fist. It’s ridiculous begging for love and attention especially for fear of being alone and in the end accepting to be disrespected. Say NO to disrespect.

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QOTW: “This is what I know. Don’t settle for 40, 50, or even 80 percent. A relationship-it shouldn’t be too small or too tight or even a little scratchy. It shouldn’t take up space in your closet out of guilty conscience or convenience or a moment of desire. Do you hear me? It shold be perfect for you. It should be lasting. Wait. wait for 100 percent.”Deb Caletti

Written By:  ‘Nonye J. Chidolue (@NonyeWrites)

https://www.facebook.com/peregrinereads

20 thoughts on “RELATIONSHIPS: Is He A Heartbreaker Or He’s Just Not Into You?

  1. When you are the only one making the most effort, the end result can be devastating. He doesn’t show any sign of affection towards you but you still decide to stay in the ____ship (whatever ship that is). It takes a woman with guts to tell herself the truth and walk away from such “bondage”. The earlier you opt out and find someone who’ll appreciate the efforts you’re willing to make, the better for you. Good job Nonye!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think most of the times this heart breaks are caused by us, nobody just goes about breaking anyones heart okay maybe a small percentage. Sometimes we intend to ignore actions(most of them already listed by Nonye) & trust words forgetting they go hand in hand. The signs are there but instead we search for more signs when there Is enough reasons to leave. Most atimes too the wrong reasons keep us in a relationship that isn’t right. Open your eyes don’t pretend not to see and stop expecting the fear of loneliness cause us to settle for less than we deserve. Let’s stop breaking our own hearts. Nice piece as usual Nonye

    PS: The mails of new posts from your blog don’t arrive early again. Unless I am on twitter and I see you tagging then I have to open the link its not like this before oooo. Dnt mind me I am just being naughty I guess its network.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Open your eyes don’t pretend not to see” Indeed! Pretending that a problem isnt there will not solve the problem anyway! Maybe we are just a little too scared to leave what we’ve become so used to for fear that theres no one else out there waiting to hold our hands. Thats still a wrong reason to remain in a relationship that gives off all the negative signs. If they don’t feel that emotional connection with you, its best not to force it.

      Really? My apologies. I will look into it. Thanks for the notification. Have a splendid new week 🙂

      Like

  3. Beautiful write up, but the end is…
    You outrageously blew it all up.
    But I wish you could make it well known, that there isn’t a perfect relationship in the whole wide world (by perfect I mean 100%).
    Yes, if one party does all, puts all the effort in trying to make the relationship work then its absolutely wrong, but if the both can manage the crises and stir the course, then I believe it could work out for good.
    Nice signs pointed out, but be careful not to dodge out from your present 70% or 80% relationship for fear of been heart broken because of the items listed out here.
    Beat your chest and make it work and carry him/her along and you both are on way to having a beautiful and enviable relationship.
    SAY NO TO HEART BREAKS, embrace your man/woman now and make it work!
    Your heart aint worth that break!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your enlightenment Awanda! It is true that there isnt a 100% relationship and also no relationship that happens at an instant. For me, whatever the percentage is, the connection is what matters more. Every next-to-perfect relationship comes not from the perfection of both parties but the ability to tolerate the other’s excesses and still love them anyway. But when the signs become too obvious that you just might be wasting your time, you can only put up with so much before you find yourself going insane believe me. But then, like you rightly said, ” if the both can manage the crises and stir the course, then I believe it could work out for good”. For the mutuality, this I believe!

      Yes! I reiterate, say No to Heartbreaks and Embrace your Man/Woman!

      Like

  4. “….we get our feelings in the way of being trampled on due to our inability to recognise the obvious.”
    A typical casting of pearls before SWINE!!! MLG! Vraiment you are erudite beyond your squint eyes.
    But there was a smidgen IMperfection in Deb Calleti’s wistful and wishful end QOTW of what should and “shold”nt be. Touché!!!! Precisely the point: she avers settling for nothing less than 100%, yet none is “perfect” and we ALL come flawed. A corollary quote from rock star STING “wold” be (forgive pun) “….To search for perfection is all very well. But to look for Heaven is to live here in Hell…”
    So, CONSIDER ME GONE!!!! Arrivederci Amore… Love u to leave u!
    I personally believe healthy relationships are like high-grade engine oil in very expensive cars: it needs regular changing to maintain, preserve and sustain the integrity and functionality of the greater uplifting whole: ENGINE, AKA, HEART, as the individuals themselves change and adapt to the dynamism of human nature.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bless You HMB for your ever kind words 🙂 Perfection for me is not in exactly getting a 100% but in the weighing of the “mutual” emotional connection and positivity of the relationship! Is it promising and sensibly heading somewhere? Do you “connect” with this person? That’s perfection in its own imperfection! Settling when the connection is not there just for the convenience of the moment when it’s not perfect for you is unhealthy.

      True, a healthy relationship needs sustenance but shouldn’t that be when both parties at least feel the connection in its truest form? That’s when working hard to keep it becomes thoughtful. When we find that person with whom our hearts truly connect with, thats indeed heaven! True Love will not return to you void.

      Another from STING says “There were shelf-loads of care but whoever came calling, found nobody there” I couldn’t help but think it deep. Isn’t it for lack of mutual connection that we suffer emotionally? Just my thoughts! Thanks for your very deep and more insightful thoughts, given me more room for understanding where it bothers on matters of the heart.

      Like

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