Little Exercise: Say No countlessly. Does it spur some confidence or make you feel bad? Why?
Well, what’s so dreadful about the two letter word “No” that we’d rather compromise and displease ourselves than decisively say it, and stick to it regardless of the not-so-good feeling it brings. When we look at it from a more neglected point of view, we realise that the reasons or people that make us to say yes when we mean to say no do not really matter at the end and the turn out may not have been as negative as we thought it would. But you said yes, and now you must stick to your yes otherwise you would be seen as that bad friend or colleague that never keeps to his words. How about a No from the start and be remembered as one who does not compromise his decisions?
And this is why you must say no when indeed you mean to say no
• You matter, yes you do!
The reason why we suffer emotional stress is because we have compromised our true decisions and ended up doing what does not align with our spirit. One of the wisest things you’d ever learn at some point is putting yourself first. Yeah it’s good virtue putting others first but not so much so that you forget to pay attention to your own self. Investing a considerable measure of time and energy for others and not about as much time for yourself just because you have committed yourself to something you’d rather have refused only makes you an enemy to yourself. This is why trying to be decent at the cost of yourself does not say how much of a good person you are really. You must first learn to love yourself to be loved by others. The moment you realise you matter, saying “no” would not be a mind-tussle but a deliberate and positive turn-down.
“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” ― Paolo Coehlo
• Quit thinking for others, Quit assuming!
While putting others into consideration is a good thing, sometimes it leads to irrational assumptions that end up becoming conclusions in our heads. The things you over think that others may think about you which makes you compromise your decisions is most often made up in your head. You say yes because you think the other person would think badly of you if you failed to do what they wanted which leaves you thinking less about how you feel and thinking more about what others will think. In the end it’s all think, think, think, and you’d be surprised to know that you’re the only one thinking, because those you’re thinking for are doing nothing other than living their lives, but still you’re here, thinking! You will only think yourself into depression! Think for yourself alone, hey!
• Recognise what and who really does matter
Being that fellow that people run to when they need help or being known for getting things done is damn good! You get the recognition, sense of worth among folks and people just love you! But then beware of the accolades because it could go bad too! If you can’t tell when and how to differentiate who and what actually matters, you will end up getting used. You cannot say “yes” to everything or give a “yes” answer to every request. The thought of it is even exhausting! Welcoming every request and treating it as top priority puts you in the backseat and redirects your focus in life entirely, leaving you frustrated. Learn to turn down some requests, shove some down for later attention and decide which to pay more and immediate attention to.
• Your shoulders are made of bones not steel
You’re not a “People’s needs Advocate”. One of the biggest mistakes you could ever make is thinking you could be of help to everyone. Everyone needs help but you definitely cannot help everyone and since you can’t help everyone, at least you can help someone. Offer genuinely and whole-heartedly, the help that is within your capacity and well, say no to the others. Better a no than saying a yes to something that you don’t intend to treat as important, thereby giving high hopes to the other person. Excessive help more dangerous to relationships of any kind. Even as it is in dealing with people, gauge your help jar!
Like I asked earlier, what’s so dreadful about the two letter word “No”? –Since it’s a word that most often triggers emotional sentiments and negative outcomes, it all lies in having the right attitude. It’s the attitude in saying No that is of more importance than the No in question and this is what determines what the outcome will be. Truth is it’s never that easy to say No but the trick here is that you can actually say no without saying the word “No”. Watch out for the final part of this article– “How to say No without saying no”. In the end a “No” doesn’t hurt! Say it as simply as you intended to but with good reasons and good intentions. , Don’t guise it up!
“I dont know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone”– Bill Cosby
Written By: ‘Nonye J. Chidolue (@NonyeWrites)