The media most often conceptualizes our judgements on a wide range of things especially on matters that bother on relationships. Relationship myths end up thwarting the very essence of a relationship. When you’ve read or heard somewhere that a successful relationship should thrive on certain conditions and you begin to make comparisons with yours only to find that yours is lacking in those areas, it becomes disheartening right? Well love and craze are two strong emotions that happen to go hand in hand. Hence, when love sets in, some level of craze is bound to follow especially with women, which diverts the focus on fiction instead of reality! How about we breeze through some crazy female relationship myths that have been founded on some irrational and unreasonable desires…
• Have a child for him and he’d marry you
I think this one is common in Africa–holding a man down with a child. It’s a failed myth today to think you can get a man to marry you by giving him a “love child”. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way. You will only be making the biggest mistake for yourself and for your innocent baby. According to Child Trends children born to unmarried mothers are more likely to grow up in a single-parent household, experience unstable living arrangements, live in poverty, and have socio-emotional problems. Likewise, Women who give birth outside of marriage tend to be more disadvantaged than their married counterparts, both before and after the birth. Your child deserves a better life. If you knew better, you’d do better! “Just because you can have a baby, it doesn’t mean you should” –CNN’s Don Lemon
• You need big breasts and butts to win/keep a man
The struggle among girls and women to have perky breasts and larger-than-life-sized butts is outrageous. Well the human mind is programmed in a lot of complex ways which makes us selective in our preferences for the attributes of the opposite sex. But to think that your body features will be a fine catch for every guy you come across is a mediocre kind of thinking. Heard of “sapiosexual” men? Learn to love your body just as it is and focus more on your most positive qualities.
• All marriages end up in divorce
Tell me of a marriage made in heaven and I’d tell you of a marriage that has managed to survive on the last string of frustration–That’s one made in heaven! There’s no perfect kind of marriage and not all marriages end up in divorce. The chances of separation after marriages are profoundly exaggerated. What makes of a successful marriage is not absence of problems but the ability to build it back up and keep it going when it breaks down and find in it that safe harbour during stormy days.
• My partner cannot cheat on me
When you think that your partner is dedicated, loyal, and devoted to you, you’re right! When you think they are not, well you’re right too! You’re always right until you find out what really is. You both may have the best of relationship plans but to think that the love is so strong that your partner cannot cheat is actually giving him the green-light to cheat. Understanding that everyone has the need for emotional, passionate and physical closeness with the other sex will make you regard and cater to your relationship better. Don’t underestimate your partner’s loyalty!
• He’s so rich; I don’t need to do a thing!
Wow! I’m constantly overwhelmed about females that speak of how rich they expect their partners to be, so much so that they don’t have to do anything! It’s quite fascinating until I’m reminded that Christy Walton of Walmart has an estimated net worth of $37.9billion! I think that’s a much more interesting fact, forgive me!
• My partner is not the jealous type
This is the myth of all myths. Be even more scared when your partner does not express any sign of jealousy towards you. For all you know, you might have been slowly replaced! Yes, if they care, they should get jealous. A little jealousy (not chronic jealousy) never hurt; it’s even good for the romance! “A little bit of jealousy in a healthy relationship is fine. It’s going to wake you up.” –Helen Fisher
• Our love is eternal, it can never fade
Yes, it’s only ideal that your relationship with your partner should be all romantic and stuff but to think all the lovey-dovey phase will last a lifetime is kidding yourself. “Happy ever afters” are only a product of Hollywood fairy-tales. In reality, happy ever afters don’t exist. There’s no definite end to relationship “palavas”, there’s only that constant enthusiasm and urge to keep recreating and re-fuelling the love when the love tank goes dry. That’s some happy-just maybe-after!
Notice how it’s frightfully easy it is to fall prey to these crafty relationship myths which would make you either end up in the wrong relationships or walk away from a loving partner. Don’t squeeze yourself in myths, deal with reality!
Written By: ‘Nonye J. Chidolue (@NonyeWrites)